Hi Pre-Race Julia!

The thing is that we just hit our seven month anniversary of being on the race. When I look back over the months, I see how so much has changed. Not only the place we’re living in, but also our views, and perspectives. I can say without a doubt that pre-race Julia is different than who I am now. I’ve grown in my relationship with God and those I’m living with. In conversations I have I’m not constantly afraid that people will find out that I’m not okay. I verbalize my thoughts and talk about them with not only my friends but also God instead of letting them fester. Conversations I have turn back to God because of how prevalent I seek to have him in my life.
I remember before I left for the race I had a lot of thoughts and fears. I didn’t think I was ready or close to prepared. I was afraid of what family like friends would look like. I was afraid that the race could be easily forgotten. I was afraid the friendships I was going to build would quickly vanish when I said goodbye. There was so much unknown, I didn’t even know the right questions to ask to help me understand how to get where I’m at now.
There are many things I would tell pre-race Julia that I know I would have no heart to listen to at the time. The biggest thing that I found myself learning, though, is that you don’t need a step by step solution. Seven months ago I wouldn’t rolled my eyes and said, “I know but I want one!” The big thing that grew me in that area was learning how to hear the Lords voice. In Guatemala life moved at a slower pace and I was surrounded by people who spent their mornings getting into the Word. Because of this, I grew in this habit. As the days went by, my love for mine and God’s time together and my ability to hear his voice grew. Now when I get in the mindset, again, that I need the solution to all my problems and the steps to get there, God reminds me that I can hear him. He reminds me that he has a plan and because he can see the big picture sometimes I don’t have to; and when we get to a place that I need to do something different in order to be healthier, he’ll let me know.
Another thing I would tell myself is that the friendships that I want to have take time, but they’re there. I walked into training camp with a “Pillowpet mindset.” When the Pillowpet was first released they had commercials I would see everywhere. In the commercials, they would say, “when you hug it, it becomes your best friend!” That Christmas, I got a pillowpet! The second I opened the Christmas wrapping paper and saw it, I hugged my new penguin pillow. Then I hugged it again and again. Nothing happened. I don’t know what I expected, but I still loved my friends and family more than my new pillow and was confused with my new friend. So coming into the race I watched videos talking about how the strangers I’m about to spend the next nine months with will be as close as family. When I got to Training Camp, though, I was quickly reminded that they were still strangers. I was discouraged. I thought, if I’m not best friends with everyone in this first month, how will they have time to become as close as family in the next eight? Yes, it’s not instant like it sounds like it should be, but that doesn’t mean it’s over. I have grown to love my squad and my team. They’re people I can trust to be life long friends. It didn’t happen instantly but I love the friendships that have grown from the invested time, conversations, and snuggles.
The last thing I would tell my pre-race self is don’t dread the ending before you’ve even started. I came into the race afraid to say goodbye even before I said hello. I was afraid the the friends that were going to be closer than family and the practices I was going to develop were going to vanish so easily when the end came. I struggled with the thought of the end of the race practically the whole race and was on the verge of tears every time I thought of it. It’s barely been this past month (month 8!) that I’m in good terms with the end. I’ve realized it’s only because I’ve been able to grow in trust. I trust that my friendships won’t vanish. I know that Gods not going to drop me like a sack of potatoes as soon as I’m off the field. With him, I will continue to grow and hear his voice to fallow wherever he leads. Multiple times throughout the race I had to adjust my attitude from dread into thankfulness. That’s been the biggest thing that has kept me present while my mind starts to wander.
Thank you God. Thank you for my World Race experience. That you for the hardships that brought me closer to you. Thank you for my team and squad mates that I’ve been able to grow close with. Thank you for transforming me.